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Why Do We Choose the Bad Boy?

Lets cut straight to it. The bad boy is exciting because they have an alpha male personality, throw around money, look good, cater to the lusts of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life. That’s why we like them (although I don’t say that proudly). They stand out as being strong, confident and stable leaders who can take control of situations which gives women a sense of security. Security is everything to a woman which is why we work so hard to ensure it for ourselves and our children.

If a man is a pushover, this sends signs of insecurity and instability which women obviously don’t desire. Sadly “good guys” tend to fall into this category and get overlooked because they may appear to be too passive, timid or too emotional. Bad boys are great at giving a false sense of security, feed our carnal nature, and apparently they call to our hormonal deceptions as well. Paul makes me completely rethink how I view men romantically when he says, “I beat my body into submission”, “No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize” 1 Corinthians 9:27.

If you’re a guy, I can’t think of why you all choose bad girls other than for the challenge or simply wanting someone you know isn’t ready for commitment. But as for women, we are disillusioned into thinking that bad boys will make great dads, according to science. A few years back in my quest to understanding why women pick the bad boy, I came across a couple of studies that revealed a scientific reason behind our foolishness. To no surprise, we women are influenced heavily by our hormones the week prior to ovulation into thinking the rebellious guy has more personality and more to offer our children than the nice guy who may not seem to stand out enough to be impressive. Talk about deception!

Have you ever noticed you contact that guy who doesn’t treat you right, around the same time every month no matter how much you try to stay away? Have you ever wondered why you consider him as a potential spouse even though you admit you don’t like many of his ways? I definitely noticed this pattern with myself so the studies really hit home for me. It’s not merely due to psychological dysfunction and the sin nature! It’s also your hormones. We truly do war within our members, “but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members” Romans 7:23.  So what does this mean for the believer?

Some of these bad boys are even in the church. I think a great example of this that speaks for itself is the song, Vegeta by Aha Gazelle. Listen to it if you haven’t already. When it comes to wanting the bad boy, I’ve seen many women of God struggle with this, myself included. Saved women may even want the bad guy gone good but the same fleshly patterns and weaknesses sometimes remain and affects the body of Christ!

When you hear a woman talking about her affections over a guy you know isn’t godly or doesn’t treat her right, then rebuke her and tell her to beat her body into submission to Christ and to walk by the Spirit so that she won’t attempt to satisfy the lust of her flesh, “So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh” Galatians 5. Tell her that man is only catering to her flesh and not God’s will in her life. Urge her to not be like the “weak-willed women” spoken of in 2 Timothy 3 and to take every thought captive to obey Christ, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5.

What many women fail to perceive about wanting the bad boy or the bad boy gone good, is the heart behind why we desire this—it’s both good and dysfunctional. It’s good in the sense that we desire security, a protector, someone who won’t run out on us when things get tough and someone who’s confident in their abilities in who they are and where they’re headed, because it gives us feelings of loyalty and stability that we may want to build on. However, the bad boy typically proves to be the complete opposite! So it’s dysfunctional to look for these attributes through the so-called thug, narcissist, playboy, rebellious male personas who quite often tend to repeatedly disappoint and break hearts whether intentionally or not. It doesn’t matter if he even claims to be saved (as Aha Gazelle recites).

The bad boy caters to women’s lusts, sins and gullibility. He likes the thrill of pulling that out of you but doesn’t want the responsibility that comes with it. And we get high off the thrill— addicted even. Thus, we choose the same wrong types of men because our wills are weak from not repenting and not truly obeying and waiting on God. None of this is godly! Our wills are weak when we have failed to align our will to God’s will. We must mature and learn to submit to the Lord no matter what our hormones and dysfunctional patterns try to tell us.

How do you get rid of bad boys? How do you keep them away? Be holy. Obey God. Don’t entertain immoral weaknesses. Be transparent about your emotional needs and expect the same of him. Show him how you expect to be treated responsibly and respectfully. He will leave you alone practically overnight. This way, your time isn’t wasted, you feel great about yourself for not settling and you have shown him the standard of the Lord by which you both deserve to be treated.

God is the true Alpha and after all of our playing around and foolish decisions in disobedience, He is also our Omega who we will have to stand before and submit to. We are accountable to the romantic choices we make. Let us love God. He has loved us first and teaches us to think and live righteously and how to make wise and appealing choices that build us up and glorify His name.

Check out the videos below and ask if you think like those women wanting the bad boy or more like Joshua Eze speaking on the truth behind the “God gives us what we need versus what we want” ideology. Perceive how our disobedience and carnality can skew our view of what we want and need and how God seems to handle it all.


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About Essence Yarbrough

Mama Bear of two. Author of Wisdom In Red: The Words of Jesus. (Writer by grace of the Author.) Patiencepreneur.

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