I have noticed for awhile that some of the most followed social media accounts within the body of Christ are those of beautiful, seductive Christian women. That doesn’t sound right, does it?
‘Seductive’ should not be an adjective that anyone should be able to use to describe a Christian woman. Ever. But the reality is, we see Christian women all over Facebook and Instagram dressed seductively every day. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with a woman being seductive with her husband in private—I am referring to the women who portray themselves in a seductive way to the public.
I see an increasing number of women who view themselves as teachers and ministers of God’s word who are speaking out against modesty teachings, claiming they are “oppressive” to girls and women. They believe they have been “victimized” by the “modesty police” and that God does not care what is on the outside, only the inside.
But the outside is actually a reflection of the inside! If God did not care how we dressed, he would not have made clothes to cover Adam and Eve’s nakedness (“Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them.”~Genesis 3:21)
God wants us to be concerned about our inside and outside: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands,”~1 Peter 3:3-6
My outside changed after my mind and heart was transformed. As a woman who professed Christ, I used to have no problem wearing tops that exposed cleavage, trying to look seductively at the camera while taking selfies, or dressing in other ways that I knew very well made me stand out when I stepped out of my house. How did I know I stood out? By the extra attention I received from men everywhere I went. Women know that what they wear dictates and commands a specific response from men! I dress far more modestly now which has achieved the result I now seek—far less attention from men. After all, these are other women’s husbands and future husbands. I have no desire to do anything to garner inappropriate attention from them.
My process of change was gradual. After 21 years of dysfunctional relationships with men and none coming remotely close to what I knew God wanted for me, I finally came to the realization that I had to change. For awhile, I thought the men of God on social media were “safe”. But then I began noticing that many were very similar to the men I encountered while out in public. They all swarmed to the attractive Christian women, commenting on and liking every post and picture, regardless of whether it lined up with God’s word or not.
“Virtuous woman of God” is a commonly used term of affection bestowed upon these women and myself at the time. I see Christian men comment “Proverbs 31 woman” on photos of booty shots and breasts overflowing from low-cut tops taken by Christian women. Or women showing a lot of flesh, overall. I quickly realized that I did not want to be the recipient of this type of attention because it wasn’t genuine.
I witness Christian men lusting after and flirting with Christian women. These women can post unsound doctrine and show flesh galore in their pictures and their brothers still encourage them and cheer them on. Oh, there is the occasional man or woman who dares an attempt to correct out of love, even throwing in a great supporting scripture to support the correction but these attempts are almost always met with a dismissive reply by the woman and her supporters accusing the corrector of “hating” or being “legalistic”.
This type of support is scary to me. It breeds a culture of Christians doing as they please and brushing off any attempts at correction and accountability. They can do this too, because they have all their supporters coddling, encouraging and patting them on the back when someone says something they don’t like.
I used to post a lot of statuses on my Facebook page and received much of this same attention. I had several of the same men who cheered me on under nearly every post. I received many “likes” on my statuses and regularly received private messages in my inbox from Christian men. Often, they would use my statuses as an avenue to contact me privately and to try to get to know me better. I often fed into this attention which led to the realization that these men were blinded by a woman they viewed as attractive and their priorities, morals, and values were entirely wrong. So were mine at the time. This was not the type of man I wanted to attract.
I prayed and asked God to give me wisdom and to help me view people and the world through His eyes and boy did He ever! My perspective completely changed. I was able to identify my own dysfunctional ways and cycles that inevitably led to my past disastrous relationships. My actions were a result of low self-esteem that I wasn’t even aware of. I had to really look at why I was wanting attention from men and what it was doing for me. I had to be real with myself. I was now equipped with the ability to quickly identify people and situations the enemy was using to try trapping me into going outside of God’s will.
Men no longer inbox me. They know better. Now, any time a man has a question about one of my statuses or anything else, the usual message I receive begins with, “Hey sis, I know how you feel about men hitting you up privately but I have a question…” See how respecting and valuing yourself enough to set appropriate boundaries results in being spoken to and treated with respect?
When I decided I really wanted God’s will for my life and I asked to see people and the world through His eyes, it was as if blinders were lifted from my eyes and the oppression of low self-esteem was lifted, as well, which resulted in dysfunctional, generational cycles being broken.
Embrace accountability. Embrace those who attempt to correct you. It doesn’t feel good, I know, but if you practice keeping your defenses down and listen with an open mind, keeping it real with yourself, there is a good chance you will find truth in what that person is trying to tell you. You will experience growing pains if you allow the Lord in to show you where you need to grow, but you will feel so much better and more secure about yourself and your relationship with Him when you do.