One of the most precious and honorable things a woman can have care of is her husband’s heart that trusts in her. And a man who trusts in his wife should see good as a fruit of his trust, not pain. This means the man must choose carefully who he places his trust in and the woman must know how to honor and support his trust– both without sinning and abusing each another. This is where things can get complicated.
“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good.” Proverbs 31:11
Yet in today’s culture (hip-hop culture, in particular), there’s sadly the illusion that it’s more honorable to allow women to jump through hoops to win a man’s trust and that it’s cool for women to exploit that trust. Men therefore may lack grace in this area of trust and it’s where some women act bitter.
Some men in Christ understandably struggle with trusting women to the point where they may act indifferent, cold or disconnected toward them. It’s as if some fear women and as a result, abuse them because it’s easy to attack or retreat from what is feared (fight or flight mentality). But, “the one who fears hasn’t been perfected in love” 1 John 4:18. The lack of trust mixed with the male ego can be a lethal weapon of the enemy—even in the church. A man’s association with his sisters in the faith can become tainted by the results of those fears and ego which can lead to abusive relationships.
It’s not that a man simply doesn’t trust women; there’s a mentality behind that from deep within the heart that sisters must be patient with, understanding and wise toward. A man must lay this part of his heart down before the King of kings along with the rest of his heart. When it’s not, many sister’s hearts get mowed over, even unintentionally. To learn to trust a woman shouldn’t mean influencing her to compromise, making her bend over backwards, or making her feel devalued.
The flip side is that some women manipulate, ignore red flags, aren’t loyal to God and settle with what they can get from the men they want, operating in selfish ambition. Women settle to try to win men’s trust, commitment and love, but to no avail, because these men can’t fully respect them for settling for being disrespected by them. Other women abuse the trust a man has placed in her by telling his secrets, or embarrassing or belittling him, which he then uses to justify his mentality of mistrust.
Here’s the reality: a godly woman who is truly faithful to the Lord, not giving into imbalanced emotions and ungodly desires toward a man, will be a faithful wife honored enough to earn her godly husband’s trust and bear goodness with him. But for that goodness to bear, the man must open himself to the call to love and trust and she must respect him or turmoil will eventually ensue. This is where he also must surrender his fears and ego to the Lord and choose to love sisters with the wisdom of God and not the wisdom of this world. A worldly mind reaps worldly results and furthers the work of Satan while a godly mind bears the fruit of the Holy Spirit and brings glory to God (Galatians 5).
Please take up rest in Christ Jesus and exit any mind games. When a woman honors God’s way, God will honor her and she will honor her husband’s trust. And when a man truly trusts the Lord and his woman with his heart, she won’t have to question his loyalty. They will both bear good fruit when they have both laid their whole hearts before the Lord.
Have you overcome trust issues? Please share your testimony in the comments below!