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Repeating Relationship Mistakes

Jesus spoke to the woman at the well about her multiple relationships. How many relationships will we go through before we finally wake up to Christ and the glory He’s calling us to reveal in the kingdom, and be for our own future husbands? What will it take to stop having premarital sex? What will it take to stop ignoring all of those red flags God throws out on our ridiculous plays? Why are some of us in God’s field in the first place, flying through men to date instead of laboring in that field with other sisters and brothers for the Lord? It seems we get more excited about dating than the gospel. We will listen to advice on dating all day with full attention but can’t study to show ourselves approved for 30 minutes!

I’m not trying to be harsh here. It’s good to desire the right spouse. It’s just that I’ve heard many women complain about how awful some of their relationships have been and yet continue to settle for the same experiences over and over as if they are truly expecting a different type of man. They don’t seem to see that they’ve allowed the wrong type of men to shape them into the wrong type of woman for the right man. I truly see that some of us women simply don’t understand that men can smell insecurity, bitterness, fear, sexual immorality, desperation and attitude from a mile away on us when the first thing they should pick up on is our obedience in the Lord. Men expect to run across these undisciplined women and they already know who they will use until they meet the one who changes the game for them. If a woman shows discipline and the wisdom associated with following the ways of the Lord, this keeps the weak and the players away pretty well—at least as a first line of defense.

If a believing woman hasn’t been cultivating herself in Christ, then she is likely to show the same patterns and fall for the same weaknesses and nonsense she’s fallen for all of her life that’s gotten her nothing but heartache and babies. I’ve seen women lose their inheritances over choosing the wrong men—careless men, and never bouncing back from their losses. From falling into drug abuse to taking jail time, women have laid down their lives for men who refuse to lay their own lives down for the One who Created them. Trust and believe I say these things also from my own string of bad experiences and disobedience.

Be a woman who invests in the word of God with wisdom, patience and purpose to shine His glory, and not only His grace and mercy all the time. Aren’t you tired of going to God over the same sins and same mistakes all the time? Aren’t you ready for a new song?

Where do you see yourself in 5 to 25 years from now? What are your goals? Are they goals that will help propel your children into a better future? Are they goals that will take you out of economic or mental slums? Remember that you don’t want to settle for a man who adds to your troubles and uncovers you in your weaknesses. You don’t want to get a man for who you are today. You need a man who fits the goals of who God is building you to be in your God-given visions of tomorrow or else you may greatly resent that man later. Let Christ cultivate you today and save you the trouble.

Pray for discernment, wisdom, and be committed to being self-disciplined in Christ in both natural and spiritual matters. Proverbs 25:28 says, “A man without self-discipline is like a city broken into and left without walls.” As women, we make ourselves vulnerable like this when we don’t follow the scriptures–so know the scriptures to follow them. Hebrews 12:11 truthfully states, “For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather that pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

Back to my original statement about being in God’s field… What are you yielding in the field? What are you in the field for?

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About Essence Yarbrough

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