Happy New Year from Grow The Heck Up! Since this is the time where we reflect on the prior year and get excited for the upcoming year. You’re going to see a lot of motivational pieces, along with other forms of advice from the popular sages of social media, but I want to take a moment to share from my heart something I dealt with recently, which I believe many of us go through.
I found myself thinking about the coming year, but instead of feeling excited, I was dealing with uncertainty. This was surprising to me, because throughout 2018, I saw my content production increase to incredible levels! I was so encouraged when I produced more vlogs and other videos I shot for my website Thoughts Of Redemption. I fulfilled my goals of featuring people on the platform like Eshon Burgundy and more, which has inspired what I want to do more of in the future.
I excitedly launched my podcast in June, and experienced growth and desire to expand and do more, along with other things I’ve been working on. You would think that with that kind of headway, I would feel more settled on where I wanted to go in 2019, yet I recently felt like I was stretching myself too thin. I also felt as if I hit a wall, and was dealing with a lack of drive to produce more content, which puzzled me.
I’ve felt this way for a bit and it came to a head this past week, so I got on my knees to call out to God to find out what in the world was going on. As I experienced the presence of God, I began to weep in a way I hadn’t done in a long time. I felt like Asaph in Psalms 73:17, where he gained understanding about God’s way of handling wickedness him when he was in the presence of God. In the presence of God, I understood why I felt the way I did.
When I thought how to understand this, It was too painful for me— Until I went into the sanctuary of God; Then I understood their end.
Psalms 73:16-17 NKJV
I realized that I kept trying to imagine what the path looks like that God is taking me on. I began to lose focus on the simplicity of walking out His will day-by-day and trying to feel comfortable with what’s going on. When you try to fit what God is doing into something you can imagine, it places an unnecessary burden on you.
I had to repent and ask God to forgive me for unbelief, and to reorient my approach to the things I am burdened to fulfill in my life. Whether it deals with financial breakthrough, career choices, or serving God in a greater capacity, I must fulfill the goals I have without trying to fit them into an image I’m comfortable with.
Even more than that, I had to make sure that I informed the pursuit of my goals with the drive to serve others in love. So whatever I’m doing must come from that place. This helps to keep me and anyone reading this grounded in whatever pursuits we have in life.
We can find ourselves at times feeling like we know exactly what we’re doing, yet at other times we’re wondering what in the world we’re actually doing at all. But if we have an established foundation, we won’t be tossed around by our feelings and come back to our foundation for doing what God has for us to do.
So if you’re in a place where you feel overwhelmed and inadequate, it’s ok to be real with yourself about it. Honest self-introspection is really important. Even more, it’s vital that we come before the Lord and be vulnerable before Him, because there are things that we don’t understand until we spend time in His presence. God is light, so when you’re with Him, things are revealed in a unique and encouraging way.
I pray that you have a grace-filled, Christ-centered 2019 that stretches your capacity and impacts many lives around you for His glory!