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Homosexual Pastor Attempted to Frame Whole Foods With “Cake Slur”

Sometimes you type out a headline and have to make sure you’re not accidentally writing a satire piece.  So far, the trend has been homosexuals suing Christian bakers for refusing to bake them a cake, but in a bewildering incident of role reversal, a homosexual pastor from Austin, Texas tried to sue Whole Foods after one of their bakeries wrote a slur on his cake, according to him.

Pastor Jordan Brown of the Church of Open Doors, released the following video bringing his accusation against the bakery:

After looking into the situation, Whole Foods promptly released the following statement and security footage they said proved that Brown had tampered with the UPC Label,

After a deeper investigation of Mr. Brown’s claim, we believe his accusations are fraudulent and we intend to take legal action against both Mr. Brown and his attorney. Here’s what we know:

  • Our bakery team member wrote “Love Wins” at the top of the cake, which was visible to Mr. Brown through the clear portion of the packaging. That’s exactly how the cake was packaged and sold at the store. Whole Foods Market has a strict policy that prohibits team members from accepting or designing bakery orders that include language or images that are offensive.
  • Mr. Brown admits that he was in sole possession and control of the cake until he posted his video, which showed the UPC label on the bottom and side of the box.
  • After reviewing our security footage of Mr. Brown, it’s clear that the UPC label was in fact on top of the cake box, not on the side of the package. This is evident as the cashier scans the UPC code on top of the box, which you can view here.
  • We stand behind our bakery team member, who is part of the LGBTQ community, and we appreciate the team members and shoppers who recognize that this claim is completely false and directly contradicts Whole Foods Market’s inclusive culture, which celebrates diversity.

Realizing his plot had been rather pathetically foiled, Brown quickly withdrew his lawsuit and issued an apology.  ABC reports,

I’m struggling to wrap my head around this entire situation, other than it being one of the many “Only in America” stories I’ve seen lately.  Let me know what you think in the comments.

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About Nathan Mathis

Nathan Mathis is affectionately known as Beardo, the bearded weirdo. He is a follower of Christ, a self-made thousandaire, and a lover of Hip-Hop. He currently owns and operates CHHToday.com and runs an accounting firm with his father.

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