There are many telltale signs that reveal when a man isn’t invested in a woman, yet when a woman has her mind made up about the guy she desires, her common sense and deadbeat detector shuts down in order to get that big flashy new toy as soon as possible!
So to help serve as that girlfriend who tells it like it is (like my own sisters do with me), I’ve narrowed down and compiled a list of 10 signs revealing when a man isn’t selflessly investing himself into a woman:
1. He tells you that you aren’t “The One.” It doesn’t get any more straightforward than this. However, there is always that woman who seems to perceive that man’s statement as a dare to be challenged. Somewhere in her mind she fools herself into thinking something serious will resort from her continuing to have him in her life. She thinks that what she offers is so good, that he will wake up and sweep her off her feet. She settles for however he treats her and he knows this.
What often results from this is months to years of him keeping his word of not committing to her and blaming her for her own pain while she ends up suffering from a form of traumatic bonding where he keeps her in his reach by building her up only to always let her down. By the time her season with him is over and she’s done playing the single wife, she’s either begun to learn from her own mistakes, or she feels so run into the ground emotionally that she will give any other men a hard time, or be accustomed to being used and continue the cycle of getting into poor relationships with men who devalue her.
2. He doesn’t engage in hobbies,topics, events, or anything you’re into. Some women simply like a man so much, they don’t even notice until it’s too late that he doesn’t inquire about her relationship with the Lord, her family, her career, her thoughts on various topics, her past, goals, or her children. Some women focus on surface interests like lusts, his social status, his affirming presence, alluring personality, financial pedigree, carnal commonalities like movie interests and music or maybe even having a similar career focus. There’s never any digging nor godly standard that would cause this man to step correctly to Christ regarding building a future with her.
Some women have such low or common standards about themselves that men don’t even feel the need to inquire or ask God’s permission about pursuing something righteous with her. Some women talk so much and offer up everything about themselves that the man begins to feel he doesn’t have to probe them to get to know them. If he doesn’t have to fish, then where or when can he find reward? The woman could likely become a lustful conquest and attachment for him instead.
3. He doesn’t pray for, with or about you. A man who genuinely prays and praises with you is a miracle, Honey! You deserve the miraculous. You’re a woman of the Most High—His daughter. How is a guy even able to grab your affections if he doesn’t even have the heart or confidence to take the two of you before the Lord in prayer in front of you? How can he not praise the Most High God in front of you? How are you attracted to a man who demonstrates no desire to cover you or has no power to pray for you and no Word of God to know how to wash you with it? He doesn’t have to be a biblical scholar, but if he doesn’t have a serious prayer life and you know you strongly believe in prayer, then you see he’s not invested the same as you.
4. He’s not invested in Christ Jesus. If he’s not invested in the Lord then he’s not invested in you like you deserve. If he’s not invested in Christ as maturely and deeply, if not more than you to lead biblically, then why bother? The Holy Spirit can divide the soul from spirit. So what happens when God shows you new biblical understanding and he suddenly can’t relate to you because his interests are absorbed in natural things? Division. Suddenly he’s even questioning why you believe in such a book or thinks you judge him because you love the Bible that he doesn’t follow. Sadly, many Christian women say they want a godly man but then yoke themselves with babes or don’t even know for sure what their guy actually believes in until it’s too late to turn back.
6. He plays games and crosses boundaries you’ve set before him. He makes you feel vulnerable. Maybe you tell him no sex before marriage but he still tries you anyway, and even thinks it’s not a big deal. You expect transparency but can’t tell when he’s lying or not and allow things to happen that make you wonder. This is assuming that you are emotionally balanced and not suffering from trust issues and insecurities to negatively influence you. His lack of mental maturity in various areas may show that he’s not yet ready to invest in you.
7. He never seems to really include you in his plans. Sure, he may have you on his calendar for the month for date nights but has he intertwined you into his conversations, future goals and family life? Yes, he may take you around his friends, but these days that may not mean much.
8. He doesn’t allow your influence into his life. Do his eyes light up more when he’s around you? Does he walk around like he’s a better man because of you? If so, it means he’s likely invested a part of himself into who you are and he values you enough to do this in the presence of others.
9. He’s not emotionally invested in you. A man can practically have everything you want and need from natural to spiritual but if he’s not emotionally opened himself up to you, you may be asking for serious trouble in your future. A man who is emotionally closed off to you may be a man with unresolved control and trust issues. He’s showing you that he’s not invested in you enough to fully commit himself. An emotionally unavailable man is a man telling you he’s still quite unavailable. It’s plain and simple. Don’t try to make him your project, let the Lord mature Him and you can’t go wrong.
Your guy may even tell you that what he does with you in lust is his way or only way known to him to express his emotions. Don’t be deceived by this demonic tactic. It’s the enemy’s desire to bind the two of you in sin and keep you from your true freedom and reward in Christ. The man is merely displaying that he’s emotionally stunted and is a liability against the true commitment you desire with him.
10. He doesn’t or feels he can’t view and treat you as his best friend. This one may be up for debate and that’s fine. But I add this one as a detector for whether he’s the guy you should consider marrying. Some people only marry for stability, economics or other reasons so you may not feel you need your best friend to be your husband. I just figure, why waste your time spending the rest of your life with a man who doesn’t see you as his bff?
You may or may not think this list is ideal. And sure enough, not everyone wanting love may feel the same way about the Lord and the Bible. If you’re a babe in Christ, don’t really study the Bible or pray, then you may feel more comfortable with men acting outside of the context of biblical standards that I mention here. Maybe you simply want someone right where you are for now to grow in Christ with. I’ve seen God work out beautiful marriages with folks who didn’t even start off in Him, but there was often much turmoil and damage done.
My serious recommendation then would be to stay single until you are stronger in Christ and knowing confidently how to obey Him and be girded up by Him instead of through carnal processes. I may sound harsh but if your way hasn’t been working, then maybe the Lord is trying to encourage you today to live out your romantic life through His Spirit and methods instead.
There are many other signs that can reveal your guy’s lack of investment in you. Feel free to add to my list in the comments below.